Why We Get So Offended—And How to Finally Break Free

If you feel triggered, defensive, or constantly proving yourself, this might be the wake-up call you didn’t know you needed.

For those of you who already follow me, you’ll know I’m a big advocate for understanding that if you are wounded internally, you will see a projection of that externally. Our reality is shaped by the beliefs we carry, and at the core of these beliefs are the wounds we have yet to heal. I’ve spoken many times about the three core wounds, the deep-seated fears of not being enough, of being abandoned, and of being powerless. These wounds influence how we experience the world, dictating our emotional reactions, our relationships, and even the way we interpret simple conversations.

But there’s something else that ties into this that many of you will find helpful to understand; the ego. The ego builds itself around these core wounds, creating a protective identity that will do anything to avoid confronting them. And that’s where defensiveness comes in. If someone challenges a belief or a perspective that is unknowingly rooted in one of these wounds, the ego immediately goes into survival mode because it sees this as a threat, not just to the belief, but to you.

This is why certain topics trigger such extreme emotional reactions. It’s not just about the words being said it’s about what those words are awakening inside of you. So often, people assume the ego is just about arrogance or narcissism. But ego is not just thinking you’re superior to others it’s anything you identify with. It’s the mental construct of "who I am," and when something threatens that construct, it triggers defensiveness.

If your identity is tied to your beliefs whether it’s religion, politics, diet, or lifestyle choices you will feel personally attacked when someone questions or challenges them. That’s why people become so reactive over things like vax/non-vax, meat-eaters vs. non-meat-eaters, or even something as simple as the music they love. The moment you believe that something is you, rather than something you believe in, it becomes deeply personal.

The Difference Between a Belief and an Identity

You can always tell when someone has a belief versus when they have an identity.

• A belief can be discussed, explored, and even changed without shaking the foundation of someone’s self-worth.

• An identity, however, is rigid. If you attack it, you attack the person.

  For example:

• If someone simply believes in eating a plant-based diet, they can discuss it calmly, maybe even consider other perspectives

• If someone identifies as a vegan and it has become part of their self-worth, then any challenge to it feels like an attack on their very being.

This applies to everything parenting styles, careers, spiritual beliefs, political views. If you’ve ever found yourself irrationally defensive, ask yourself: Is this about protecting a belief, or am I defending my identity?

Why Does the Ego React?

The ego’s primary job is survival. It doesn’t care about truth, peace, or expansion,it just wants to maintain its version of "self." And it does this by keeping you in a state of defence mode.

Defensiveness is a sign that something inside you feels threatened. It’s not always a bad thing, boundaries are important but when it’s a knee-jerk reaction, it often points to a deeper insecurity or unexamined belief.

Here’s what’s really happening when you get triggered:

1. The Ego Feels Attacked – Someone challenges a belief or perspective that you have attached to your identity.

2. The Nervous System Reacts – Your body perceives this as a threat (even though it’s not physical), and the fight-or-flight response kicks in.

3. You Defend Without Reflection – Instead of pausing to ask why you’re reacting, you go into protection mode arguing, shutting down, or even attacking back.

4. You Have Your Mind Made Up – A major red flag. When you believe you already know everything there is to know, you close yourself off from growth. The moment you stop questioning, you stop evolving. The ego thrives on certainty because it fears the unknown. But real expansion only happens when you’re willing to be wrong, to see things differently, to unlearn as much as you learn. If you ever catch yourself thinking, “I already know this, I don’t need to hear it,” that’s your ego keeping you trapped. True wisdom comes from knowing that you don’t have it all figured out.

The key to emotional growth is learning to observe the ego instead of automatically identifying with it.

How to Recognise and Break the Pattern

If you want to shift out of this reactive state, try this when you feel offended:

1. Pause before reacting – Take a breath and ask, What exactly am I defending?

2. Observe your emotions without attachment – Are you feeling anger? Fear? A sense of being unseen or invalidated?

3. Separate belief from identity – Ask yourself, Would it really harm me to consider another perspective?

4. Lean into curiosity instead of defence – Instead of assuming an attack, can you see this as an opportunity for expansion?

That said, the beauty of free will is that you don’t have to do this work at all.

If you don’t feel called to explore this, you’re not obligated to. There is no spiritual law that says you must detach from the ego right now, or that you must examine your wounds. Some people will never take this path, and that’s okay. For some, looking at this doesn’t serve them in their life at this time—they will let go when they are ready, when the weight of holding on becomes heavier than the fear of change.

But if you do want to let go of defensiveness, if you want to step out of ego’s grip, just know this: Living in ego is utterly exhausting.

Ego needs constant maintenance. It needs to prove itself, defend itself, fight for its survival. It has to constantly seek validation, control narratives, and manipulate reality to fit its fragile construct of self. But being the awareness behind the ego? Living in your true nature? That requires zero energy. Your true nature is effortless. It doesn’t need validation. It doesn’t need to be right. It doesn’t need to control others to feel safe. It just is.

If you need proof of how exhausting living in ego is, just look at the people who tie their entire identity to their beliefs. Look at how drained and enraged they become when those beliefs are questioned. Look at the internet trolls who spend their lives arguing with strangers, desperate to make others think like them. Imagine that being so fragile that your peace depends on whether or not other people agree with you.

That’s what ego does. It tricks you into thinking your identity is at stake when someone sees the world differently. It convinces you that you must get others to believe what you believe in order to be okay. But none of that is true. The real question is, do you actually want to be free? Because if you do, then the moment you let go of the need to defend, control, or be validated, you will feel an indescribable lightness that no external approval could ever give you. And that is where true power lies.

The ego is not something to "kill" or get rid of—it’s part of being human. The goal is to become aware of it so that it doesn’t control you. When you realise that your beliefs are not your identity, you gain an incredible sense of freedom.

Instead of defending a fragile version of yourself, you can step into a place of deeper understanding and growth. Because true strength isn’t about never being challenged—it’s about being able to engage with different ideas without losing yourself.

So next time you feel that surge of defensiveness, ask yourself:
Am I fighting to be right, or am I open to expanding who I am?

Ready to Start This Inner Work? Join The Unity Project Mini Course

If this resonates with you and you’re ready to start breaking free from ego-driven reactions, I invite you to begin your healing journey with The Unity Project Mini Course.

• Identify your core wounds and how they shape your reality

• Recognise when your ego is running the show and how to shift into awareness

• Heal subconscious patterns that keep you stuck in defensiveness, fear, or lack

• Learn practical tools to step into your true nature where peace, clarity, and freedom exist naturally

This isn’t about forcing change. It’s about understanding yourself so deeply that change happens effortlessly.

If you’re tired of feeling triggered, drained by arguments, or weighed down by external validation, this course is your first step towards liberation.

You don’t have to live in survival mode. You don’t have to fight to be right. You just have to wake up to who you really are.

Sign up today for only £19.99 and start the healing work now.