Born In Fear

Why Our Children Are So Sick, And What You Can Do About It

You probably don’t remember how you were born, but your body does and your immune system does.
Your nervous system definitely does. Whether you were drugged, pulled, separated, injected, or welcomed with safety and stillness, it all left a mark. Not just on your mother but on you!

This is the bit hardly anyone talks about. We’re looking at epidemics of anxiety, trauma, autoimmune disease, neurodivergence, and disconnection, and still pretending birth is just a woman’s issue. But how we are born is where it starts.
It is the moment the human system first learns whether the world is safe or not. And that first imprint doesn’t fade. It forms the foundation of how we breathe, bond, regulate, and cope for the rest of our lives.

The Truth No One Tells Women About Birth Trauma

For those of you who don’t know, I’m a natural birth practitioner with over 15 years of experience. I founded When Push Comes to Shove to support women who want more than just survival in birth; they want sovereignty. They want to feel safe in their bodies. Seen in their choices. Steady in their instincts.

And we’ve done that:
At WPCTS, 77% of our clients have a home birth. That’s unheard of compared to national averages. The success is real. But even with those results, something was missing.

Because time and time again, I’d see women prepare beautifully for birth—they’d know their rights, understand physiology, ask all the right questions, and still not understand why their last birth broke them or why they are experiencing coercion from the midwife in their current pregnancy. They couldn’t connect the dots.

• They didn’t know why they froze.

• Why they handed themselves over.

• Why they nodded along with something they didn’t feel good about.

And the truth is, it’s not because they didn’t have the information. It’s because they weren’t in their bodies when it mattered most.

Their nervous systems were wired to please, to freeze, to abandon themselves just to get through it. And until that part is addressed, no plan, no prep, no amount of head knowledge is going to change the outcome. That’s the real gap. That’s why I started writing here.

Because birth work without inner work is a half-built bridge.
It might look good on the outside, but it doesn’t carry you when it counts. Until we deal with what’s happening inside—the survival scripts, the inherited trauma, the disconnection, nothing on the outside will hold. Not a birth plan. Not a hospital complaint. Not even the best midwife.

So here’s the real question: If this is what’s happening to women, what are we going to do about it?

Here’s what NO ONE is talking about

Here’s what almost no one is saying. Birth trauma doesn’t start in the labour room. It starts long before that. It starts the moment a woman learns that being good is safer than being real. It starts in childhood, in school, in family dynamics—where she learned to override her instincts, make herself small, and please her way into safety. By the time she gets pregnant, that wiring is already in place. Her nervous system has already decided how to survive. So birth activists can scream all they like “no is a full sentence” but how can a woman who can’t even set boundaries with her mother-in-law, say no to a vaginal exam or an induction? She can’t because no one has taught her the tools to begin the inner work. She has no clue about her scripts, her unregulated nervous system. She likely believes, “that’s what I have to do.”

So when the moment comes—when she’s in labour and something doesn’t feel right—she freezes. Or she hands herself over. Not because she doesn’t know what to do, but because her body doesn’t feel safe enough to do it. And this is the piece the birth world still hasn’t integrated.

We’ve got one side shouting “Trust birth! Birth is safe!”, but when something tragic happens, they either vanish or water it down. “That’s rare,” they say. On the other side, we’ve got the system pointing and saying, “See? This is why we need control.” And it goes round in circles. Both sides stuck in fear. One side terrified of being blamed. The other terrified of being wrong. Both avoiding responsibility, both outsourcing the weight. And while they fight it out, women are still getting traumatised.

This is what happens when we live from the neck up. We intellectualise everything. We stay in the head. We drown in research, memorise guidelines, get high off informed consent slides and we call it preparation. But if the body doesn’t feel safe, none of it will land. We’re walking around with nervous systems that are completely disconnected, completely dysregulated, and we don’t even know it. We might as well be wearing dog cones. Paralysed by our own thinking.

We must stop blaming the system

We like to believe the maternity system is something outside of us—that it’s broken, corrupt, underfunded, and mismanaged. And yes, there are very real issues with staffing, policy, protocol, and negligence. I’m not denying that. But none of that explains the energy behind it, the fear, rigidity, emotional disconnection, and deep mistrust of women’s bodies baked into the guidelines.

So let’s ask a harder question: why does the system behave the way it does?

Because the truth is, it’s not just happening to us. It’s happening through us.

Hospitals are terrified of being sued. Why? Because we sue them. The guidelines are defensive because they’ve had to be. They cling to control and surveillance, because they don’t trust themselves or us. And we mirror that right back. We don’t trust them either. We walk in hoping someone else will make us feel safe, and then we resent them for trying to take control.

This is what happens when millions of women are living in disconnection. When we’re out of our bodies, when we don’t trust our instincts, when our nervous systems are wired to freeze or fawn, and we call that “preparation.” You multiply that disconnection by millions, and of course, we end up with a maternity system steeped in fear. It couldn’t be any other way.

This is collective consciousness. Not a spiritual buzzword. Not a theory. A reality. A mirror. A system cannot reflect what isn’t present.

So if you’re wondering why maternity care feels cold, clinical, coercive, it’s not just policy. It’s not just funding. It’s coherence. The system reflects the dominant emotional frequency of the people inside it. And right now, that frequency is fear. It’s disembodiment. It’s powerlessness.

So when we talk about healing birth, we have to look at what we’re bringing into it. Not just individually, but collectively. And if that language still feels a bit “out there,” fine. Let’s talk physics. Let’s talk quantum.

Everything is energy. Every thought, every fear, every choice vibrates at a frequency. Multiply that by millions of women carrying unprocessed trauma, and what do you get? A maternity system that reflects that back. Not because it’s evil. But because it’s aligned. It’s matching us.

The system is not separate from us. It’s us-amplified. So if we want to change it, we have to go first. The system isn’t broken. It’s mirroring us.

And if you’re reading this and you’re pregnant right now—please don’t use any of this as a reason to shame yourself. Stress happens. Trauma happens. You are not failing your baby because you’ve been overwhelmed or anxious. What matters is that you’re aware—that you’re willing to look, to feel, and to shift. Your body is still the safest place your baby could be. And every time you regulate your nervous system, even a little, you’re teaching your baby what safety feels like. Healing isn’t about being perfect. It’s about presence. And it’s never too late to begin.

The answer is never ‘out there’

So no, the answer isn’t out there. It never was. Research matters, but let’s be honest: if you want a study that says home birth is dangerous, you’ll find one. If you want one that says it’s safe, you’ll find that too. The data isn’t the issue. The issue is that we don’t trust ourselves. We don’t know how to feel what’s true. We’re still asking someone else to tell us what’s safe, what’s allowed, what’s right. We’re still handing over the steering wheel, then wondering why we feel powerless.

And I need you to hear this: this is not your fault. But it is your mirror. The system is defensive because we are. It is controlling because we are scared. It carries the energy we haven’t looked at in ourselves. And until we do, we will keep feeding it—even while fighting it.

This won’t shift by shouting louder. It won’t shift by collecting more research papers or crafting the perfect birth plan. It will shift when we stop outsourcing safety. When we stop asking for permission. When we stop needing the outcome to prove our worth.

Because when a woman feels safe in herself—truly safe—something changes. The noise fades. Her instincts rise. Her body leads. And the system doesn’t stand a chance.

That’s where the revolution starts. Not in policy. In presence.

It’s Not Just the Toxins—It’s the Nervous System

Look around you.

Childhood illness is everywhere. It’s become normal to see toddlers on medication, children with sensory issues, teenagers with crippling anxiety, and whole classrooms full of kids who can’t regulate their emotions. We’re seeing soaring rates of autism, ADHD, autoimmune conditions, allergies, and chronic inflammation—and the truth is, no one really knows why. Or rather, they only look at part of the picture.

Most people stop at the physical: vaccines, food, environmental toxins, heavy metals. And yes, those are real factors. I’m not here to deny any of it. But if we only look there, we miss the deeper truth. Because if it were only about toxins, every child exposed would be sick. But that’s not what we’re seeing.

So here’s the question almost no one is asking:
If two children eat the same food, receive the same jabs, the same care, the same schooling, why does one develop chronic illness while the other doesn’t? What creates that difference?

This is where we have to go deeper. Because health is not just physical. It is emotional. It is energetic. It is ancestral. We are not just flesh—we are frequency. We are shaped by what we feel, what we carry, and how we enter the world.

Your child’s nervous system didn’t begin at birth. It began in the womb. It began in YOUR nervous system. And it was dramatically imprinted during birth. When a baby is born into panic, into adrenaline, bright lights, rushing hands, separation—that becomes their baseline. That’s what their system codes as normal. But when a baby is born into oxytocin—into warmth, stillness, unhurried connection, they learn something very different. They learn that the world is safe. And from that place, everything changes: immunity, digestion, sleep, emotional regulation, development.

We have so much research pointing to the link between induction and poor maternal and infant health outcomes.(And yes I am sure we can find evidence for the other side of the chessboard too! Kind of my point here) We know that stress in pregnancy affects the baby. We know that flooding the body with cortisol, living in a state of fight-or-flight, disconnecting from our instincts,none of that is neutral. It’s not just about what we put in our bodies. It’s about the state our body is in.

But hardly anyone is talking about this. About the energetic imprint of birth. About how unresolved trauma gets passed down,not just emotionally, but physically. About how one woman’s disconnection becomes the next generation’s health crisis. This is not about blame, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. This is about awareness, but you have never been taught this.

Because all these so-called disorders we’re seeing in children, autism, ADHD, sensory processing issues, emotional dysregulation, they are not random diseases. They are symptoms. Symptoms of an energetically sick and disconnected society. These children are not broken. They are mirrors. They are showing us what happens when we live too far from the body, from our instincts, from the truth. They are not here to be “fixed.” They are here to wake us up.

And yes, there is a clear correlation between ultra-processed food and behaviour, between gut health and emotional health. But we need to ask: Why is that food even there? Why has this become the norm? Because our collective energy has invited it in. We are so far outside of ourselves that the whole world has become a reflection of that emptiness, a culture built on outsourcing, avoidance, and performance.

And now, something huge is happening. The cracks are showing. The system is stretched. Women are rising. And our children,through their struggles, their needs, their sensitivities, are showing us it’s time to return to the root. Not with more control. Not with more blame. But with healing.

The system isn’t just broken. It’s a mirror. It reflects what’s inside us, amplified. It cannot show what isn’t already present. And until we face that, we’ll keep treating symptoms while ignoring the source.

This is why I write. This is why I teach. Because education without embodiment is nothing. And healing doesn’t begin with the child—it begins with the mother. With you, your sister, your friend, your partner. This is not a woman’s issue. This is a human issue.

This is why birth matters. This is why it’s not enough to blame the system or the additives or the injections. Those things may be real, but they are layered on top of a foundation that was already unstable. And if we don’t address that foundation—the fear that was wired in before language, the nervous system that was never met with safety—we’ll keep looking for answers in the wrong places.

So what if we could interrupt that pattern?

What if we could help a woman feel safe in her body before she ever conceives? What if we could clear the trauma she’s carrying—not just for her, but for the baby she hasn’t even met yet? What if we empowered her to birth in sovereignty, not managed, not coerced, but rooted in her own instinct?

That’s how we change the next generation. Not just by what we avoid. But by what we embody. And it begins here. Before birth. Before conception. With you.

The Split – Survival Strategies and Lineage Healing

Most people don’t realise they’re still running survival patterns they learned in childhood—patterns that were shaped not just by their own experience, but by their mother’s unspoken wounds. Patterns their mother learned from her mother. This is what we mean by generational trauma. It’s not just what happened to you. It’s what shaped the nervous system you were born into.

And in birth, these patterns show up fast. Sometimes violently.

Some women over-function. They prepare obsessively, research everything, try to control every variable. They become hyper-vigilant, constantly scanning for threats. They read every guideline, memorise every protocol, plan every detail down to the essential oils. Not because they’re neurotic. Because deep down, they don’t feel safe. Somewhere, their body learned that to stay in control is to survive.

Other women shut down. They disappear. They freeze in appointments, go silent when something doesn’t feel right, nod along with a birth plan that isn’t theirs. They convince themselves they’re fine. They don't want to be difficult. They don’t want to be judged. They feel disconnected, but don’t know how to say it. Not because they don’t care. Because somewhere in their lineage, being quiet felt safer than being seen.

Neither response is a flaw. They’re both adaptations. They are learned ways of surviving when the body didn’t feel safe enough to do anything else. And in a system that routinely ignores instinct, disrespects autonomy, and pushes women into submission—these adaptations are reinforced, again and again.

But here’s the truth most people miss: these patterns didn’t start with you. They started generations ago. And that means when you begin to heal them—you’re not just healing for yourself. You’re healing your entire line. Your daughters. Your sons. The children they might one day have.

When a woman learns to stay in her body, to trust her voice, to feel her truth and act from it—she is changing the frequency of her family line. She is telling her nervous system: we’re safe now. We don’t have to run. We don’t have to disappear. And that safety ripples outwards. It meets her child in the womb. It shapes the hormones of labour. It anchors the first moments of life.

So no, you’re not broken. You’re patterned.And those patterns can be re-written. You are not responsible for what you inherited.
But you are the one with the power to shift it.

And that’s not pressure. That’s possibility.

Thriving vs Surviving

Healing doesn’t mean you’re fearless. It doesn’t mean you breeze through birth without a single doubt. It doesn’t mean you get it all “right.” Healing means you know the difference between a decision made in fear—and a decision made from clarity.

Because two women can make the exact same choice—go to the same hospital, have the same doula, follow the same birth plan—and have completely different experiences. Not because of what they did, but because of where their choice came from.

Some women choose hospital because they’re scared. Deep down, they don’t trust their body. They’ve been conditioned to believe safety lives outside of them, in someone with a badge or a clipboard. So they hand over responsibility, just in case something goes wrong. And if it does, they can say: “Well, I did what I was told.”

But another woman walks into hospital from a completely different place. She’s not handing herself over—she’s walking in with awareness. She’s grounded. She knows what she wants. She knows how to say no. She’s not afraid of being responsible. She’s willing to make decisions because she knows the power lies within her, not in the setting.

And the same goes for home birth. Some women choose to birth at home because their instincts say, this is where I’ll feel safest. That’s love. That’s clarity. That’s inner knowing leading the way. But others choose home birth because they’re terrified of the hospital. Because they’re still carrying trauma from what happened last time. Because someone online told them it’s the only way to have a “natural” birth—and they’d rather cling to that idea than sit with their fear.

And when things don’t go to plan, it’s easy to point fingers. At the doula. At the course. At the system, at the friend who told them they could do it. But blame is just another way of saying: I didn’t feel safe. I didn’t feel ready. I didn’t feel supported.

This is not a judgement, it’s a mirror. And it’s a mirror most people don’t want to look into.

Because survival doesn’t always look broken. Sometimes it looks like perfection. Sometimes it looks like a hyper-organised birth plan, or the perfect pregnancy supplement stack, or the “empowered” language rehearsed on Instagram. But underneath all of that? Panic. Exhaustion. A desperate attempt to control something that still feels unsafe.

Thriving is different. It’s not loud. It’s not performative. It’s not curated. It’s felt. It’s a woman who knows how to listen to herself—and trusts what she hears. It’s the quiet confidence that says, “Even if it all unfolds differently than I imagined, I won’t abandon myself.”

Thriving doesn’t mean there’s no risk. It means the risk doesn’t control you. It means you’re choosing from presence, not programming. From love, not fear.

And that’s why inner work matters more than anything else. Because until you feel safe in your body, your choices will be distorted by the very trauma you’re trying to avoid. You will look empowered on the surface while still outsourcing your power underneath.

And let me be clear: this isn’t your fault. It’s your inheritance. But you don’t have to pass it on.

When a woman learns to regulate her nervous system—when she unhooks from performance, lets go of control, and roots herself in her own truth—she becomes the first in her line to break the pattern. That healing doesn’t stop with her. It touches her baby. Her family. Her lineage.

This is the real birth revolution. Not where you give birth. But how much of yourself you bring with you.

The Personal Reflection Invitation

So let me ask you something.

Where are you still making choices from fear?
Where have you followed someone else’s map instead of listening to your own? And where in your body do you feel that something else is possible—that there’s more than this system, more than this noise?

Because if you’ve read this far, there’s a good chance something is stirring in you. Maybe it’s been there for a while. That quiet knowing. That pull. The part of you that sees what’s happening to women and babies and can’t unsee it. The part of you that’s already held space for others, already witnessed birth, already felt the fire of it—but never knew what to do with it.

This is your moment. Not to become a saviour. Not to become an expert. But to become steady. A woman who knows how to hold herself first, so she can hold others. A woman who understands that healing begins before the first contraction. A woman who isn’t afraid to stand in the space where the system falls apart and remind another mother: you’re not broken. You’re becoming.

That’s what this work is. That’s what I teach.

Because the future doesn’t shift from the top down. It shifts in living rooms. In whispered truths. In the way one woman sits beside another and says, “You get to choose.” That ripple becomes legacy. That presence becomes revolution.

So if you’ve ever felt like this might be part of your path, this is your sign. If there’s a woman in your life who you know would be perfect for this, send this to her. The next round of my in-person doula training is this June. And it’s not just a course. It’s a call.

Because we don’t need more professionals, we need a great remembering.

Train with me

If something stirred in you while reading this—if you felt the pull to support women differently, to change what’s happening at the root, to be part of the shift—this is your invitation.

My next in-person doula training takes place this June in Buckinghamshire. It’s not just a course. It’s a recalibration. You’ll walk away not only with the skills to support birth outside the system, but with the nervous system strength to do it from truth—not fear.

This is where we stop performing and start remembering.
If it’s time, you’ll know.

As a thank you for my loyal readers, here is a 10% discount. Use code BLOG10